Fathers Day Is Sometimes His Roughest Day
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by: Blended-families
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What they have in common is a positive impact on their kids' lives in terms of increased self-confidence, a strong sense of well-being, self-control, and success in school. It's true that a small portion of deadbeat dads ruin the reputation of the majority, we would hope that these absent fathers could be present for their kids.
But it's also true that over 90% of fathers believe that being a dad is one of the most fulfilling roles they could have. In celebration of Father's Day, we offer some suggestions on two of the most common blended family dads: the step dad and the divorced dad.
Step Dads
There may be a lot of confusion about the role of step dad since, as male head of the household, he has important financial and physical responsibilities, he mustn't assume that he has those identical rights and responsibilities with his step kids. He's not the birth dad and that distinction often results in tension, especially when he cares about being a supportive husband and provider.
Conflict may arise in any number of ways:
1) the children may resist his influence because they feel loyalty to their birth dad;
2) Mom may feel he's too hard on her children, picking on her parenting ability, or unfair in his treatment of her kids and his own; or
3) he may feel anger and irritation about his wife being disrespected by her kids or by being ignored or discounted himself.
No matter how you look at it, these circumstances cause friction in the family and arguments between the couple. Problems like these are the major reasons for second marriages failing more quickly than first marriages.
Following are some fundamental principles for step dads who may be working hard to establish their rightful place with their step children:
1. Remember that your role is to support your partner in parenting as a mentor, coach, or friendly uncle. Take it easy, and over time, when mutual trust and respect has built up, you may develop a stronger, more active role with everyone's support.
2. Work towards being on the same page as a couple, which means not only being affectionate and respecting each other, but communicating clearly about household responsibilities, financial contributions, expectations of behavior, forms of discipline, and the role you play in defending her decisions. Her assignment is to set boundaries for behavior and follow through on consequences, and your role is to support her and remind the kids what their mom wants. A weekly Family Meeting is a helpful way of clarifying behavioral guidelines and getting recurring issues on the table for discussion and resolution.
3. Be aware of unrealistic expectations by researching ways to be an effective step dad. And, remember, it takes a lot of time, patience, understanding and sensitivity to help the family move towards mutual affection, trust and connectedness.
4. Schedule an enlightening coaching session with a knowledgeable blended-family coach to help the step dad in your family sort out some of the issues and challenges he may be facing.
Divorced Dads
Father's Day for many divorced dads may not be a particularly happy occasion, especially if they are not close to their kids physically or emotionally. There are many reasons why divorced dads find themselves marginalized and are apparently unwanted in their child's lives: geographical distance because of work, remarriage, or divorce poison where the children's mother has systematically alienated the kids from their father with the intention of completely removing him from their lives.
Dads may feel discouraged but they should try to remember just how important they are as they guide, teach, and show love and support to their kids, even from far away.
Following are some basic guidelines for Divorced Dads:
1.Try to act like grown ups with your child's mother for the sake of the children. Come to terms on a visitation schedule and a co-parenting plan. Kids are more interested in you getting along so they can have fun with both their parents, without worrying about your specific issues with each other.
2.Kids need structure. Stick to planned phone calls, pick up and drop off schedules and behavioral expectations while at your home.
3. Resist being Uncle Dad or Disney Dad with non-existent boundaries, and inconsistent discipline; this leads the kids to believe you are a peer and best friend and not a responsible parent guiding a child. This type of parenting results in disrespect, emotional blackmail, and eventually, children who have behavioral problems, since they have no respect for authority.
4. Schedule an enlightening professional coaching session with a blended-family coach who may help you gain new insight on the issues and challenges that you face.
For dads dealing with the agony of parental alienation or Divorce Poison, log on to our Ask the Expert tab and listen to www.blended-families.com expert, best selling author and parental alienation authority, Dr Richard Warshak.
Article Source: http://articles-collections.com
About the Author
Sheena Berg is a blended families coach for Blended-Families.com. She enjoys contributing to their free stepparenting tips newsletter. You may want to bookmark their Blended Family News MySpaceTV Channel. WEBMASTERS: This article's use requires the links to remain intact.
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